The seven deadly sins – enunciated by religion, which I’m totally immune from, but reflecting a moral issue pertaining to us all. So, how am I affected by these seven scourges? It’s an interesting question to consider if one wants to have some insight into one’s character,
I’ll start with Greed – that one I’m pretty sure I don’t suffer from. I’m quite content with having enough, lagom, like they say in Swedish. Materially speaking, my ideal is just to have enough so I don’t have to care about pressing needs; I’m fortunate to be comfortably set, and I always found it difficult to understand the people who always want more, more, more.
As for Gluttony and Lust, I admit having some times being subjected to them, but only for short periods and they were never very important to me. I mostly agree with the famous Wilde aphorism – the better way to deal with temptation is to yield to it; it’s no big deal and it ends up being actually boring. Once you check what the intriguing noise in the cellar is – like just a mouse, for instance – you just don’t care anymore.
Sloth is a slightly trickier question. I think I’m too lazy sometimes, and I’m prey to inertia too many times for my moral standards. Yet, I’m very self-demanding, and I manage to attend to what I feel are my obligations and duties. So I guess I am often tempted by Sloth, but am able to resist it adequately.
It’s harder to analyze the other three, because they have much more power over me.
Pride – yes, I’ve always been too proud of my intelligence, that was praised since I was a toddler. I’m sure I have often bothered other people with this pride, which translates is a frequently arrogant attitude (of which I don’t feel proud, I think it’s one of my weaknesses); and I also feel proud of my culture and common-sense. But I never felt guilty about it, because I always feel aware of my limitations and shortcomings, so I know my apparent pride or arrogance is more a pose (a trick of self-defence) than a genuine trait.
Envy – this one has haunted me since childhood. Having been raised by demanding parents who expected nothing short of excellence, I used to look at every people I thought more accomplished than me with envy – either because they were more beautiful, more successful, more popular, whatever. It took me a long time to understand I was actually quite privileged and didn’t need to feel jealous of other people’s achievements, and nowadays I am much less subjected to envy. Even so, there are still times I can’t help to feel envy towards people who manage to be happier than me. It makes me feel ashamed, and I think I’m slowly but steadily vanquishing this weakness.
And then there’s Wrath / Anger, the deadly sin I’m most prone to and most ashamed of. I get too easily angry, and it makes me being insulting, abusive, and especially to lose self control, which really bothers me. I try to fight it, but I must admit I haven’t been very successful. So, what Ursula Le Guin tells about anger? “Anger is a useful, perhaps indispensable tool in motivating resistance to injustice.” “Anger continued past its usefulness becomes unjust, then dangerous.” “Certainly an outburst of anger can cleanse the soul and clear the air,” ”Anger indulged rouses anger. Yet anger suppressed breeds anger. What is the way to use anger to fuel something other than hurt, to direct it away from hatred, vengefulness, self-righteousness, and make it serve creation and compassion?” She connects anger to fear, a reaction to fear of some kind, but I don’t think that’s my case, my angry outburst are not related to fear, maybe more to a feeling of being disrespected, something she also acknowledges as a cause for anger. I guess that’s what makes a wave of anger rise and dominate me. And it bothers me terribly, because afterwards I feel guilty and ashamed to have lost my self-control. And then I have heard countless times the sentence “you were right, but then you were no longer right because of what you said” (usually referring to verbal abuse). Well yes, I think I’m usually right, and I don’t think I stop being right for being verbally abusive, but I agree it’s wrong to speak that way. How I wish I would be able to keep a cool head! My angry outburst are always short-lived, and I don’t hold grudges, but I know other people do, and it has caused me trouble more than a few times. As I get older, I’m getting calmer and more controlled, but still sometimes I slip and give way to wrath, and I actually fear the emotional violence I’m able to summon – where does it come from?
So, Wrath is my main mortal sin, something I try to fight too many times, with variable success. I can’t explain it rationally, I just hope that the wisdom that comes with age will help me overcome it.
Sem comentários:
Enviar um comentário