Friends

Why am I writing about friendship? I'm not the best of friends, I have a bad temper and am too demanding, and even if I had /have some very fulfilling and intense friendships, I seem to not be able to keep them for long. Maybe that's because of my relying on the circumstances of life, I always thought we shouldn't force things too much. But maybe that's just another way of being emotionally lazy? Whatever.

Five years ago, I wrote this. I totally forgot the movie, but I didn't forget the friends I talked about. Where are they now? Or should I say, where are our friendships now?

I haven't seen my old friend Athena for a few years. I don't blame her, she got scared at a time when I was seriously disturbed, when things at home were a mess, and I was a real mess. She was building her family life at the time, and I think my tempestuous domestic situation made her anxious, and it was probably too much for her to deal with. I hope she's alright, and I know one day we'll meet again and we'll resume our friendship as if no time has passed, because ours is the kind of friendship it can resume anytime, we can be apart for years but we'll be as close as always the moment we meet again.

The second friend I talked about is as close as always; we haven't seen much of each other lately, but I know he's there and that I can count on him anytime. Again, it's a very close friendship, even if we don't see each other much lately.

As for the third friend I mentioned, we're as close as ever. She is my closest friend now, my chosen sister, the one who puts up with me every day. I don't know how I'd do without her. We're working together for 20 years now, we've gone through a lot together - work, exams, marriages, children, loss of loved ones... My temper is famously difficult, we've had a few rows, but never was our friendship and closeness menaced. We share so many private jokes - including several pet names, like calling her my hyena #1 and me the little moor, or being both called the old men from the Muppet show. If I had to name a single best friend, it would surely be her. Sometimes I really don't know how she puts up with me.

I'm losing the fourth friend. It's no use to blame him, or me, for it. It's just the way it is. Maybe I'm too high-maintenance, or he is. Anyway, I feel sad about our drifting apart, but I don't think I could do differently. We've had very good times together anyway. And I'm not closing any doors.

No new friends though. Maybe the common wisdom that says one does not make great friends after 40 is partly true. There are a few people I met through facebook, that I like very much and feel close to, but it's not the same as a live relationship. Even so, they have been - and are - a great company. I like to think of facebook as a kind of virtual cafe where we meet friends from different parts of the world, discuss small and big issues, share experiences; it actually reminds me of my college days, when I used to spend a lot of time in cafes and had several interesting and funny friendships there, chatting on the pauses of the study. I'm very glad I know these people, and will always be thankful to the technology that makes it possible.

I have several other friends, some from college, or work, or family - and with some of these I connected again through facebook after years of rarely seeing them. And then there are my children; I've made a lot of mistakes with them, but we get along pretty well and as they get older I like to think of them as my friends too.